


Summer: Save Tonight

by hollsteinhasruinedme



Series: The Sixteen [4]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, M/M, part 4 not 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:46:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4249827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollsteinhasruinedme/pseuds/hollsteinhasruinedme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or the one where Laura Hollis is ambivalent about 70% of the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summer: Save Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry you're about to read this garbage.

You know what’s irritating?

**  
**

Spending your post-graduation money on a camcorder that doesn’t even have a power button. I mean, it’s not like I spent all my money on it, but still. “Did you check the inside of the flap?”

**  
**

Carmilla’s laying on my bed, her back bent over the side of it and she’s reading a book.

**  
**

“Dude… say flap again,” Kirsch chuckles out.

**  
**

She moves her book from in front of her face and glares at him. “You say flap again, asshole.”

**  
**

He smirks. _“Flap.”_

_**  
** _

There’s a pause.

**  
**

And then she’s reading again.”Whatever, puppy boy,” she mutters, turning a page.

**  
**

I whine. “Guys! Please help figure this out, I really need this to work if I ever want to -”

**  
**

Carmilla sighs loudly and flips off my bed, landing on her back and then standing up. She walks over to my desk and sits in my lap, taking the recorder from me. She flips it open and sighs. “Oh, jesus fucking christ. We’ve been out of school for what? A week, and you can’t figure out basic skills?”

**  
**

I’m about to say something when she slides a little silver flap over and hits a power button.

**  
**

Oh.

**  
**

I laugh nervously. “Well… you know… lucky guess?”

**  
**

Something flashes in her eyes as she smirks. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, babe.”

**  
**

And, you also want to know what’s really irritating?

**  
**

The fact that, ever since the day after Graduation… Carm’s been looking at me like a legit piece of meat. Like she’s a giant black cat and I’m a freakin’ gazelle. Okay, maybe not that intense. But there’s definitely something there. It’s more than that too. And I’m still not sure what it is; but all I know is that she wants something that I can’t give her right now. “You’re so rude,” I mumble.

**  
**

She nods. “I’ve been told.”

**  
**

She picks my camcorder back up, and turns it around so that the camera is facing us. She presses a button and a little red light comes on in the corner. I clear my throat. “This is seven days post-graduation, and one day post-brand-new-camcorder,” I say, flashing a smile.

**  
**

“Which you couldn’t turn on -”

**  
**

I cover her mouth with my hand and grab the camcorder. “...anyways, like I was saying, this is day one of the official Hollis Digital Timeline!”

**  
**

Kirsch groans. “Okay, seriously? You need to come up with a better name than that.”

**  
**

I shoot him a glare and he holds his hands up defensively.

**  
**

I do a 360 with the recorder, making sure to get in every aspect of my room… and my friends. I bring it back to mine and Carmilla’s faces and flash another smile. “Since this is the official start to my journalism adventure, I shall solve the mystery of -”

**  
**

**_Knock Knock_ **

**  
**

I sigh. “- why people can’t use my front door.”

**  
**

Carmilla gets off my lap and smirks at me. “Isn’t that the mystery of a lifetime.”

**  
**

I roll my eyes before turning toward my window. “It’s open!”

**  
**

The window slides up and then William Karnstein is standing in my room smirking. “Momma’s boy,” Carm addresses him.

**  
**

“Hey, kitty,” he quips, leaning against my wall. “You know, you should be glad that I’m a Momma’s boy because I just got us the house to ourselves for three days.”

**  
**

Oh no.

**  
**

“Oh, yes! Dude, we’re having a party, I called it!” Kirsch exclaims, jumping up from his seat.

**  
**

He walks over and kisses Will, which makes him blush. “What makes you so sure about that?” he asks.

**  
**

He laughs and nudges his boyfriend. “You wouldn’t have brought anything up if that wasn’t your intention.”

**  
**

Will shrugs.

**  
**

“Uh… care to explain how we’re going to have the house to ourselves?”

**  
**

He rubs his hands together. “So… Mom has business thing to go to in Chicago next month, right?”

**  
**

We nod, because… if it isn’t already apparent enough that Kirsch and I spent too much time over there, we totally know her upcoming out of town work dates.

**  
**

As bad as that sounds, I swear that it’s only because she discussed them with us before she left for work yesterday. “Anyway, so she was gonna have you and me stay with John for that period of time, but I talked her into letting us stay at home.”

**  
**

I scoff. “Right, because what kind of trouble could you guys _possibly_ get into?”

**  
**

Carmilla looks at me, smirks, crosses her arms and leans back in my chair. “Well, I have all _kinds_ of thoughts about that.”

**  
**

And I’m pretty sure that even the most innocent person on Earth would know that she’s not talking about party plans.

**  
**

..Oh, man...this is going to be a long summer.

**  
**

**_6:01 pm_ **

**  
**

I’m sitting at the dinner table, pouting because my Dad didn’t really appreciate my little documentation at the dinner table. “Are you all spending the night?”

**  
**

I shake my head. “Uh, no. Kirsch is. Carmilla and Will have to go home to finish cleaning their pool before it gets dark.”

**  
**

My Dad nods silently and takes a drink of water.

**  
**

This isn’t the first time that I’ve eaten dinner at my house with Carmilla since the whole… altercation we had at the coffee shop all those months ago, but it sure as heck isn’t the first time my Dad’s been super pissy towards Carmilla.

**  
**

He’s not mad, he swears by it.

**  
**

He’s just not her biggest fan anymore. Like… it’s still towards the point that I have to sneak Carmilla in through my window if she wants to come over all the time. It’s not because he doesn’t want her in the house, it’s just that we’d rather not face the awkwardness all the time.

**  
**

Carmilla wipes her face with a napkin, picks up her plate and stands up, pushing her chair in. “I... uh, don’t want to overstay my welcome so uh, I’m gonna wait in the car until Will’s finished.” She clears her throat and turns to my Dad. “Thanks for the dinner, Mr. Hollis.”

**  
**

“Sure,” he says, not looking up once.

**  
**

She sighs and walks into the kitchen, scraping the rest of her food into the trash and rinsing off her plate. I stand up. “I’m gonna walk her out, if that’s okay?”

**  
**

“Two minutes, Laura.”

**  
**

I make a face. “What? Why?”

**  
**

“Your dinner’s going to get cold.”

**  
**

“We’re eating cheesecake right now, Dad.”

**  
**

“It’s gonna rain, sweetheart,” he says, not looking up from the table.

**  
**

“It’s not supposed to rain until Monday...”

**  
**

He sighs. “Just do what I say, please?”

**  
**

I huff. “Fine,” I say before motioning for Carmilla to hurry up.

**  
**

We walk out onto my front porch and both lean against the side of the house. There’s a long silence until she turns to me, her right side supporting her from falling. “Your Dad is so salty towards me that I’m starting to wonder if I’m unsalted french fries.”

**  
**

I groan and put my face in my hands. “I know, I’m sorry. He’ll get over it, I promise.”

**  
**

I offer her a weak smile and she smiles back, reaching down and slipping her hand into mine. She stands in front of me and pushes some hair behind my ear.

**  
**

See, this is the problem.

**  
**

I like Carmilla.

**  
**

I’m _in love_ with Carmilla.

**  
**

But everything’s not okay, I know that. She knows that. My Dad obviously knows that.

**  
**

I just… really want things to be okay.

**  
**

I just don’t know how.

**  
**

But she kisses me and I kiss her back with as much fierceness as I can muster. Because if I don’t then I’m gonna break down because not only is everything not okay, but I don’t care if everything isn’t okay. And normally when I kiss Carmilla it’s literally rainbows and fireworks and butterflies, but the only thing running through my head is...

**  
**

_Don’t cry_

_**  
** _

_Don’t cry_

_**  
** _

**_Don’t cry_ **

_**  
** _

“Laura... Inside. _Now_.”

**  
**

I pull away from her so quick I nearly lose my balance. “Dad…”

**  
**

“Laura, don’t argue with me.”

**  
**

And then he’s walking back inside and Will is walking out to his car. I look at Carmilla and she gives me a small smile. “Can I come over later?”

**  
**

I sigh. “Carm, I -”

**  
**

“Please?”

**  
**

I purse my lips. “Yeah, sure.”

**  
**

She rubs the back of her neck. “So… I’m gonna go. Tell Kirsch I said he’s a loser.”

**  
**

“He already knows that!” Will says, laughing from the driveway.

**  
**

She pulls me into a hug and I can’t help but feel a little lost.

**  
**

**_6:32 pm_ **

**  
**

Kirsch and I go to walk up to my room, but my Dad calls my name. I sigh, turn around and walk back into the living room. “Yeah?”

**  
**

He stands up from his recliner chair and gives me a hug. “I’m sorry for being so harsh tonight, it’s just… I still don’t trust her around you.”

**  
**

I squeeze my eyes shut. “It’s fine Dad. I just wish you’d give her another chance.”

**  
**

He sighs. “Yeah, I know.”

**  
**

Eventually, Kirsch and I get to make it up to my room without too much interrogation. Which is nice, because that’s all I’ve been getting from my Dad for the past nine months. He’s protective, I know that, and he always wants what’s best for me, but I have to be able to make my own decisions.

**  
**

Kirsch throws a bouncy ball against the wall and catches it. “So… what’s bothering you?”

**  
**

I close my laptop slowly. “What?”

**  
**

He shrugs a little. “There’s something that’s bothering you. I know because you didn’t finish your cheesecake two nights ago, or tonight.” He sits up and looks at me. “Is it about Carmilla?”

**  
**

I sigh and hug my laptop closer to my chest. “You know that party we had at Danny’s the day after graduation?”

**  
**

He nods, so I keep going.

**  
**

“Well… turns out that the night at the coffee shop when Carm broke her phone, she lost like half of her photos, messages and contacts or whatever, but then the night before the party at Danny’s, she downloaded all of her iCloud stuff onto her new phone and she showed me a message from the night at the coffee shop…”

**  
**

He motions for me to keep going. “What’d it say?”

**  
**

I shh him. “I’m getting there!” I say, rolling my eyes. “Anyways, it was a message from me telling her that I’m in love with her, and then I tried to deny it and then she kissed me and told me that she’s in love with me too.”

**  
**

He’s squinting his eyes, his lips parted slightly. “You kissed her?”

**  
**

I nod, biting my lip to fight a half smile.

**  
**

It honestly doesn’t matter how many times I’ve kissed her; thinking back on it always makes me smile. “Technically she kissed me first, but yeah, I kissed her the second time.”

**  
**

He stands up and throws his hands in the air. “The second time?!”

**  
**

I roll my eyes. _“Yes.”_ I say exasperatedly. “And then… tonight she kissed me before she went home, and I know what you’re going to say, but trust me, even I -”

**  
**

“So are you guys like… dating now or something?”

**  
**

I scrunch up my face. “What? No! I mean, after we talk a little I’d like to, but not right now! I need some time.”

**  
**

He’s looking at me like I couldn’t answer what one plus one is. “ _Talk a little?_ She cheated on you bro! And you’re not even a little bit wary about getting back together with her?”

**  
**

I drop my laptop on my bed and stand up, glaring up at him. “That’s _not_ what I said, Kirsch! Of course I’m wary, but she’s my best friend. She’s not going to hurt me again, I know it, okay? And besides, she said she won’t hurt me again like that and I believe her. She doesn’t lie.”

**  
**

He runs a hand over his face. “You just said that she said she won’t hurt you _like_ that again. Doesn’t mean she won’t hurt you.”

**  
**

I’m fuming. “Kirsch, what the hell is your problem? You’re friends with her and you haven’t ever had a problem with her these last nine months!”

**  
**

Kirsch shoves his hands in his pockets. “My problem? It’s that yes, she is our best friend, but that doesn’t make what she did any less shitty, Laura, nine months or thirty,” he says. “And besides, the fact that all that’s happened has happened and she thinks it’s okay to kiss you like nothing ever happen, is a fucking problem!”

**  
**

“And exactly where are you going with this?”

**  
**

He takes a deep breath, pulls his hands out of his pockets and sets them gently on my shoulders. “All I’m saying is that you have to be pretty fucked up to do what she did to you and think that there’s no consequence for it.” He squeezes my shoulders. “And I know that you know it too.”

**  
**

_Yeah, I know._

**  
**

I let out a shaky breath. “I… I know. It’s just really freaking hard, Kirsch.”

**  
**

Kirsch leans down and hugs me, to which I don’t object because he really does give amazing hugs. He pulls back and the look in his eyes makes my stomach drop.

**  
**

If he cries… I’m gone.

**  
**

“Listen, I get it. It’s your first relationship, but use your common sense because Lord knows you have plenty of it.”

**  
**

I take a deep breath and let out a shaky laugh. “Thanks, friend.”

**  
**

He chuckles, punching me lightly in the arm. “Anytime, friend.”

**  
**

**_10:24 pm_ **

**_  
_ **

**_Knock Knock_ **

**  
**

I set down my cards and point at Kirsch. “No cheating,” I say firmly before getting up and walking to my window.

**  
**

I pull the shade up and Carm gives me a lopsided smile.

**  
**

_Ugh, damn it, does she have to do that?_

**  
**

I slide the window open and she comes in. “Hey loser.”

**  
**

“Sup, angry nerd?” She shrugs and he stands up, throwing down his cards. “Damn, I would have lost anyway, but uh… I think your Dad has chocolate in the fridge sooo… later!”

**  
**

...and then there were two.

**  
**

We sit in silence for a little while; her staring at the floor, me staring at the ceiling.

**  
**

And I kind of feel like I’m floating. “Laura… I’ve been thinking about the day after graduation and I just want you to know that if you don’t feel the same anymore, that’s totally fine. I just… I want to make sure that we’re still going to be friends because you mean so much to me and -”

**  
**

“Then why did you cheat on me?”

**  
**

She licks her lips and sighs. “Because I realized I loved Ell before I realized that I was in love with you. And… when I did, even if I didn’t believe it myself, it was too late. And for that I’m sorry.”

**  
**

Tears well up in my eyes.

**  
**

_Everything’s fine_

_**  
** _

_Everything’s broken_

**  
**

“I know.”

**  
**

She sighs and reaches out to play with my fingers. She runs her fingers through the spaces between mine and I feel like a tank of gasoline.

**  
**

And she’s the spark.

**  
**

I pull my hand away from hers to wipe at my eyes. “It’s been a long time since then, and I’ve forgiven you, but you need to know that it still hurts and probably still will for a long time.”

**  
**

She nods, biting her lip. “Laura… I know I’ve put you through a lot, but… I-I need to know if we can ever be more than friends because being in love with you hurts and I feel like if we lose the love we lose the friendship, and I won’t let that happen again. I can’t.”

**  
**

She’s crying and I’m crying and it’s something that a poet would mark in their notebook as beautiful, but there’s nothing beautiful about being torn between two courses of action. “I’m ambivalent about this, Carm.”

**  
**

She looks at me and _oh god, her eyes are going to kill me_. “Ambivalent?”

**  
**

I laugh a watery laugh. I’ve always wanted to use that word in a sentence. “Torn between two courses of action,” I sigh. “Part of me wants to say forget it and just run into your arms and be able to kiss you until I see stars, but another part of me knows that I should do everything but that.”

**  
**

She nods slowly.

**  
**

There’s a pause. “So… which one are you going to pick?”

**  
**

“For now…” I give her a half smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. “I think you already know.”

**  
**

She chuckles quietly and we both stand up. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

**  
**

And then we’re hugging and I’m burying my face into her collarbone and she’s resting her head on top of mine. We pull back and I reach my hand up to wipe away a tear making its way down her cheek. She grabs both of my hands and we squeeze tightly. She rests her forehead against mine and she closes her eyes. And for a moment I think that she’s going to kiss me, and I’ll let her because one last kiss couldn’t hurt, right?

**  
**

She presses a soft kiss to my cheek and I open my eyes. “I love you,” she whispers.

**  
**

I let out a content sigh. “I love you, too.”  

**  
**

**_Two days later…_ **

**_  
_ **

Carmilla and I haven’t talked in two days.

**  
**

I mean, I guess we have technically; if you call talking her sending me a text message telling me to tell Kirsch to come over to her place because he wasn’t answering her texts, then yes… we have talked.

**  
**

It sucks that we can’t be dating right now.

**  
**

Trust me… it freaking sucks, because literally all I want to do is cuddle with her, and hold hands with her in public, and talk to her and kiss her because Jesus freaking Christ is she an amazing kisser. But, Kirsch… and the rest of my friends are right, as much as I want to and wish I could, I really can’t just jump into a relationship with her.

**  
**

She has to prove herself a little more. And being in love sucks because I couldn’t see that when I should have. And now everything’s just awkward. “Geez Frosh, you okay?”

**  
**

I jump a little. “Uh… y-yeah, I just… I’m thinking.”

**  
**

LaF pauses their game and sits criss cross applesauce on the couch. “Is it about Carmilla?”

**  
**

I shrug.

**  
**

Danny nudges me with her shoulder. “Hollis, it’s okay to talk about it.”

**  
**

I sigh and sit back against Danny’s couch. “How do I know when to give her another chance?”

**  
**

I glance between my two friends as they glance between each other and I sigh. I don’t know why I’m asking them. They wouldn’t technically know.

**  
**

LaF puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a small smile. “It’s all in the little things, Laura.”

**  
**

Danny punches my arm lightly. “It’s true. You’ll know… I mean, I know it sounds weird, but you’ll know when to give her another chance.”

**  
**

“And, I know you need to give it time, but unless you don’t want to be with her romantically, I’d let her know that you’re still interested in her and stuff.” They laugh. “That’s what I had to do with Perr.”

**  
**

Perry pops her head out from the kitchen. “It’s true, Laura! And it obviously worked.” She blows a kiss at LaF and they blush. Danny and I share a look.

**  
**

They really are too cute sometimes.

**  
**

Danny lets out a sigh. “Y’know, there’s really not a great way to tell if she’ll hurt you again, but she loves you, Laura. You’d have to be an idiot not to see that.” She shrugs. “It might take awhile, but you’ll make the right choice.”

**  
**

LaF throws their feet out onto the coffee table and their hands behind their head. “Just remember... sometimes you have to save tonight to be okay for tomorrow.”

**  
**

_What the hell does that even mean…?_

**  
**

**_A week later…_ **

**_  
_ **

_I’m sitting in my bed when the ringtone of the song Infinity by The xx starts playing._

_**  
** _

_It’s Carmilla._

_**  
** _

_I pick up the phone, slide the answer icon and put the phone up to my ear. “Hey.”_

_**  
** _

_She chuckles a little. “Hey.”_

_**  
** _

_I clear my throat. “What’s up?”_

_**  
** _

_“Well, I decided that I miss my best friend…”_

_**  
** _

_I smile. “Is that so?”_

_**  
** _

_“Mhm,” she hums into the phone. “So… I was wondering if said best friend would like to come over? Because, honestly watching Kirsch and my brother try to subtly make out with each other when they think I’m not looking is getting disturbing.”_

_**  
** _

_I laugh and it feels good._

_**  
** _

_No awkwardness._

_**  
** _

_No stumbling over words._

_**  
** _

_It’s feels like it’s supposed to feel with her. “I’m gonna have to ask my Dad first -”_

_**  
** _

_“So that’s a no, then?”_

_**  
** _

_I can basically hear the pout in her voice. I chuckle. “I’ll talk him in to it.”_

_**  
** _

_“Really?”_

_**  
** _

_I bit my lip. “Yeah,” I say. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”_

_**  
** _

_“I can pick you up, if you want?”_

_**  
** _

_My smile widens. “Sure… just uh, don’t let my Dad see your motorcycle.”_

_**  
** _

_She laughs loudly and butterflies fill my stomach. “Wouldn’t dream of it, cupcake.”_

_**  
** _

_We eventually hang up and I walk out of my bedroom, down the stairs and take a deep breath before walking into the living room and sitting on the couch next to my Dad. “Hey, Laur, what’s up?”_

_**  
** _

_I look down at my hands and play with my fingers. “Um…” I clear my throat. “Is it okay if I go over to Carmilla’s tonight?”_

_**  
** _

_He sighs. “Not tonight, kiddo.”_

**  
**

_I let out a harsh breath. “Why not, Dad? Why do you hate her so much? I don’t even hate her, so why do you completely despise her?”_

_**  
** _

_“Laura…”_

_**  
** _

_“No, Dad! This isn’t fair, you can’t just be all mad and not tell me -”_

_**  
** _

_“Because I don’t want you getting hurt!” he snaps._

_**  
** _

_My eyes widen and I sink back into my seat. He puts his hand on my leg and sighs._

_**  
** _

_“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.” He sighs again, this time clasping his hands together and putting them in his lap. “She hurt you, Laura. And I know that she’s been your best friend and that you care for her a lot -”_

_**  
** _

_“Love, Dad. I love her.”_

_**  
** _

_He gives me a little smile. “I know, it’s just… you’re my little girl and I know you’re growing up and things are going to happen. You’re going to get your heart broken, you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to fall down and I just want to be there to help you get back up because someday I know I won’t be able to.”_

_**  
** _

_I sniffle and give him a half smile, tears threatening to leave my eyes. “Dad… I’ll always be your little girl, but I need to grow up, too. Don’t get me wrong though, you’re the best Dad in the entire world, it’s just that you have to know when to let go because birds never learn to fly unless -”_

_**  
** _

_“- you let them leave the nest,” he finishes._

_**  
** _

_It was something that we always said when we’d come to issue likes this. Apparently it was my Mom’s favorite saying. “I can’t promise you Carmilla won’t hurt me again, but… she loves me, and I love her and all I want from you is to give her a chance again, because if I can… then you definitely can.”_

_**  
** _

_He nods and wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a side hug. “You’re so much like your Mother, Laura.”_

_**  
** _

_I squeeze him just a little bit tighter. “I know.”_

_**  
** _

So… yes, that is how I’m sitting here right now, at the Karnstein residence drinking Coca Cola and playing stupid videos games with three of my best friends.

**  
**

It’s currently 6:12 pm and I’m already feeling tired. But, seeing Kirsch, Carmilla and Will nudge each other and call out obscenities at each other while pressing harder into their controllers, wakes me up a little.

**  
**

I roll my eyes.

**  
**

_Dorks._

**  
**

**_10:31 pm_ **

**  
**

We’re sitting downstairs now, throwing popcorn at each other and laughing, but something about Kirsch just doesn’t seem right.

**  
**

Usually when Will tells a joke, or I say something stupid, or Carmilla is just being a jackass, he’ll usually have something to say. A comeback, some insight… _anything._

_**  
** _

But he’s being really quiet and it’s starting to worry me.

**  
**

“Hey, puppy, you okay?”

**  
**

Carmilla beats me to the punch.

**  
**

“Hate to say it, babe… but you’ve been kind of weird all night.”

**  
**

Will beats me to the punch too.

**  
**

He removes his arm from around Will’s shoulders and turns his head to look down at the floor.

**  
**

“Uh, y-yeah, I’m fine, promise.”

**  
**

His voice cracks and I give Will and Carm concerned looks. “Kirsch…”

**  
**

I look at him a little more closely and realize that he’s crying. He’s full out, silent tears crying. And my heart breaks a little. “I… I’m sorry guys,” he croaks out.

**  
**

“Woah, you don’t have to apologize,” Carm says softly. “Just… tell us what’s wrong? Maybe we can help.”

**  
**

He chuckles and wipes at his eyes. “My… my Dad… he uh, he died five years ago today and,” he takes a shaky breath, “I just didn’t want to sit at home and cry all day, and I sure as hell didn’t want you guys to think something was wrong so I told my Mom that I wanted to come over here.”

**  
**

And then it hits me.

**  
**

_I don’t even know how his Dad died._

**  
**

“What happened?” I ask. “I-I mean… you don’t have to tell us, though.”

**  
**

He laughs quietly. “Long or short version?”

**  
**

Will puts a hand on his knee. “...whichever you’re comfortable with.”

**  
**

He lets out a sigh and rubs his hands on the carpet. “When I was twelve… I was totally in love with football, still am… but back then I was really selfish about it. My Dad and Mom went to almost all of the games, but our championship had me as on edge as a twelve year old could be.” He pushes out a breath. “Anyway, it was the third quarter and we were losing horribly, and… I was quarterback, so it was my fault. I usually played way better than that, I was just so upset that neither of my parents were there. So, after we lost 24 to 0, it turns out that my Dad made it for the last two minutes of the fourth quarter.”

**  
**

I bite my lip, waiting for him to continue.

**  
**

“So, when he came up to me after the game, I yelled at him and… and he tried to explain why he was late, but I wasn’t listening. I stormed off into the locker room, threw my stuff in my locker and went out the back way and I ran. I ended up at a park and I just waited there until about two hours later some cops showed up to take me home.” He sniffles. “When I got there, there were all these cop cars and I thought I was in trouble, but when I got inside my Mom crushed me in a hug and started crying,” he says, taking a deep breath. “...turns out that my Dad got in a really bad car crash about two miles from where I was. He was driving around trying to find me.”

**  
**

I close my eyes tightly and tears slip down my cheeks.

**  
**

“I’m sorry I never told you guys… I just…”

**  
**

“No, Kirsch, you don’t have to apologize,” Carmilla says. “Will and I never told you guys about our Dad.”

**  
**

Will scoffs. “I’d prefer not to talk about him unless there’s some type of name calling involved.”

**  
**

Carmilla smiles and wipes at the tears in her eyes. “So, let the name calling commence, shall we?”

**  
**

He laughs. “Be my guest.”

**  
**

Carmilla lets out a sigh. “Our Dad used to be really cool, at least before Will and I turned 13. He uh…” she clears her throat. “He was a really good Dad. Took us to basketball games, went on picnics, went to planet X, made sure we always had someone to talk to. And my Mom and him were literally the perfect couple; both successful and both great parents, but then... he um… his medical license was suspended for six months because he made a mistake that ended up killing a patient…”

**  
**

Will clears his throat. “He didn’t mean to, he just didn’t calculate the dosage correctly and the patient ended up overdosing.”

**  
**

Carm takes a shaky breath, and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. “He just… he got really depressed and started drinking, and drinking and _drinking_.” She sighs. “It got to the point that our Mom didn’t really want us around him so we lived with John for three months, but the night we came back… Will and I were in my room playing some stupid video game when we heard them arguing, so we went downstairs and…” she throws her hands up in the air “...suprise. He was drunk off his ass and when our Mom told him to leave, he hit her…”

**  
**

“Straight up just hit her, and _kept_ hitting her,” Will says. “So… like the idiots that we are, we went after him and he ended up throwing Carm across the room and punching me so hard that my lip split open.”

**  
**

“And then, the next morning, after the three of us stayed up in my room crying and having our Mom fuss over us to make she that we were okay, we went downstairs. And, like some stupid ass cheesy movie, there was a letter on the counter and most of our Dad’s stuff was gone.”

**  
**

Kirsch clears his throat. “What’d the letter say?”

**  
**

They both shrug. “Hell if I know, Mom never let us read it.”

**  
**

Carmilla nods and then looks at me, giving me a worn down smile. “By trial, it’s your turn now, cupcake. If you want to tell us, go ahead. If you don’t -”

**  
**

“I don’t really have a choice do I?” I ask.

**  
**

“But you do,” Kirsch says quietly.

**  
**

“I know.” I let out a shaky sigh and push some hair behind my ear. “Okay, so my Dad told me about how she… died, and I remember most of it but… things might be a little spacey,” I chuckle quietly. “Um… so, the year I turned eight was their fifteen year anniversary, and I really don’t remember much from that day but I remember having to get up really early and begging my parents to take me, which took some nagging, but they agreed. And I remember getting to the trail and starting the hike, but after that everything just kind of…” I shrug. “... everything just kind of went by so fast....”

**  
**

I look down at my hands and start playing with my fingers, willing myself to not cry.

**  
**

“Anyways, we were hiking for a really long time and I was getting tired, but the place where we were going to stop was still another mile or so out. So I whined about being hungry, and tired, and my Mom turned back to say something, but she lost her footing and started sliding down this dirt hill. My Dad and I dropped our backpacks, be he looked back at me and told me to stay where I was,” I say, my voice cracking a little.

**  
**

Carmilla takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Laura… you don’t have to finish, it’s okay.”

**  
**

I shake my head and squeeze her hand back. “No, I do. I really need to.” I take a deep breath. “So my Dad started running down the hill, and what I didn’t know is that there was a huge cliff at the bottom and my Mom was hanging on by the fucking skin of her teeth, and me being me, I just… I wanted to help, but then I lost my footing and started rolling down the hill. I ended up hanging on, my feet dangling thirty feet over the bottom of the cliff and I just…”

**  
**

I take a deep breath and glance at my friends. Kirsch was crying, Will was trying not to cry, and Carmilla just looked… defeated.

**  
**

“...I couldn’t hold on and… and my Mom was yelling and my Dad was yelling and then she yelled at him to grab me and then I was screaming and then he let go of her to grab me and… and… I watched my Mom fall to her death and it was my fucking fault all because I couldn’t stay in one place.”

**  
**

And then I’m crying, and Carmilla is pulling me into a hug, and then we’re in a group hug… blubbering like children. And at this point, Kirsch is snotting on my shirt and I’m pretty sure I’m snotting on Carmilla’s jacket, but I just don’t care. “It’s not your fault,” she whispers and I only clutch her tighter.

**  
**

_Everything sucks_

_**  
** _

_Everything just fucking sucks_

**  
**

But, for some stupid reason, the thing that LaF said, runs through my mind like an electronic billboard.

**  
**

S _ometimes you have to save tonight to be okay for tomorrow._

_**  
** _

And I still don’t know what it means, so I just hang onto my friends for dear life and cry until I fall asleep.

**  
**

**_8:12 am_ **

**  
**

“Guys, wake up…”

**  
**

We all groan and mumble.

**  
**

“I have coffee.”

**  
**

And then we’re up in a matter of seconds.

**  
**

Last night hit me hard, but I feel like everything that was said needed to be said. Because, for some reason I feel like none of us have ever talked about it before… with anyone. But I’m glad we did. It felt good to get it off my chest. “Wait… what’s in this coffee? Did you poison it?”

**  
**

She scoffs. “ _No.”_  


**  
**

Will eyes her suspiciously. “Then why did you get up so early to buy us all coffee with your own money?”

**  
**

As soon as he says that, I’m pretty sure we all realize the reason why.

**  
**

My heart flutters in my chest and I fight back a smile.

**  
**

“Thanks, angry nerd.”

**  
**

She spits a spit ball at his face. “You’re welcome, puppy boy.”

**  
**

Carmilla and I share a look and I smirk at her.

**  
**

_She’s sweet and she totally knows it._

_**  
** _

_**/   /   /** _

**  
**

So, apparently my Dad decided that since I’m gonna be eighteen in a month, he should stop giving me allowance every friday. And the funny thing is…

**  
**

I was way ahead of him.

**  
**

I have a job interview today to be an intern, which is more like an assistant job, for Rebecca McDaniels.

**  
**

Better known as one of the best column writers/journalists in the midwest. And… maybe I’m a little nervous, and maybe that’s why Carm’s holding my hand as we walk into the office building.

**  
**

It’s not anything too fancy, but it’s still intriguing. We walk up to the front desk and a lady in her late thirties (?) smiles at us. “Can I help you ladies?”

**  
**

“Um… yes, I have an job interview with Rebecca McDaniels today at three.”

**  
**

She nods and clicks somethings on her keyboard, looks up and smiles at us. “Go ahead up to the fifth floor, she should be with you shortly.”

**  
**

Carm and I make our way into the elevator and I press the button with a shaky hand. Carm reaches her hand out and takes mine, squeezing it reassuringly. I look at her and she smiles at me. “Hey… it’s fine, cupcake. Everything's cool.”

**  
**

I take a deep breath as the doors open up to the fifth floor. “Thanks,” I say.

**  
**

We walk up to another woman at a desk and she… doesn’t seem as nice. “Yes?”

**  
**

“Uh… I -”

**  
**

“Laura Hollis, interview with Rebecca McDaniels at three.”

**  
**

I look at Carm and give her a sheepish smile; she shrugs. “This girl is getting interviewed for the internship with _Rebecca McDaniels_?” She laughs. “You’ll have to let me know how _that_ goes.”

**  
**

I frown, apparently deeper than I meant to because Carmilla puts her arm up on the counter.

**  
**

“Look, _lady_ , I’m trying to be nice on account that I don’t want to blow this interview for cupcake -”

**  
**

“Yeah, well, this _cupcake_ doesn’t have what it takes to work in a business like this. I mean,” she looks me up and down, “...what are you? Fourteen?”

**  
**

Oh.

**  
**

“I-I… I’m seventeen.”

**  
**

“What’s your problem?”

**  
**

She laughs. “My problem is I don’t have time to deal with little children who have no idea what running or working with a business like this is like. It’s a sick joke.”

**  
**

Carmilla’s eye twitches. I put a hand on her shoulder. “Carm… it’s fine, let’s just go sit down.”

**  
**

She peeks over the counter and points to a picture. “Who’s that?”

**  
**

The lady gives her a weird look before glancing at the picture and smiling a little bit. “That’s my four sisters, my Dad and I. It was taken a few months ago.”

**  
**

_What is she doing?_

_**  
** _

I take a closer look at the background in the picture and,

**  
**

_Oh._

_**  
** _

This is gonna be _really_ good. “So, your Dad’s a farmer then?”

**  
**

She nods. “Yeah, we were kind of falling under until we got some help from Karnstein and Johnson… you know, that farming supply company.”

**  
**

“I see,” she says, sending me a quick wink.

**  
**

“Yeah, they really saved my Dad from falling through.”

**  
**

She laughs. “Now, let’s see… did my Mom give you the starter grant, the material grant or commercial grant?”

**  
**

I purse my lips together to keep from laughing at the look on her face. “How do you -”

**  
**

She raises an eyebrow at the woman and holds out her hand. “Carmilla Karnstein. You know, Catherine Karnstein’s _daughter_.”

**  
**

Horror makes its way across her face and she types vigorously on her keyboard. “R-Right… uh, Ms. Hollis you’re all signed in. I hope you and Ms. Karnstein have a lovely day.”

**  
**

We make our way to our seats, laughing quietly until I can’t take it anymore and bellow out a laugh. People in the waiting room look at us but it only makes us laugh that much harder.

**  
**

Once we get ourselves under control, I turn to her. “Thank you.. for that.”

**  
**

She chuckles and wipes a tear from her eye. “Nah, no need for the thanking. Nobody makes fun of you unless it’s me, Kirsch, Will or the dimwit squad.” She frowns. “And even they’re questionable.”

**  
**

Ah yes, the dimwit squad. Because, apparently Danny, Perry, LaF and I come up with completely idiotic plans and ideas when we’re together. Which is totally true, but Carmilla doesn’t need to know that we think that.

**  
**

“Laura Hollis?”

**  
**

I snap my head up.

**  
**

Oh my god, she’s even more perfect in person. Who can even pull off a power suit that nicely?

**  
**

Actually… probably Carmilla…

**  
**

_Shut up, Hollis._

**  
**

“Well, go on cupcake,” she smiles at me and I stand up.

**  
**

Here goes nothing.

**  
**

**_3:11 pm_ **

**  
**

I’m gonna spare you the gory details because that interview was depressing.

**  
**

For me at least. I mean, I figured I wasn’t the best applicant for the job but… that was just harsh. I think I just got my heart broken by my favorite journalist on the planet.

**  
**

She was nice, don’t get me wrong, she just didn’t think I was the right person for the job. Which totally sucks because… wow… opportunity over, but yeah.

**  
**

I don’t even know why I’m crying. I knew going into this that there were better applicants than me, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

**  
**

Carmilla pulls me into a hug. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry, but here I am, silent tears running down my face in an elevator. “Kiddo, I’m really sorry.”

**  
**

I sniffle and tighten my grip around her waist.

**  
**

We haven’t even pressed the button yet. The doors open and Carmilla literally hisses at the woman trying to get on. “Carm, be nice,” I mumble.

**  
**

She tightens her grip around my shoulders and sighs. “Are you gonna be okay?”

**  
**

I sigh and take a step back at her, but then I look up and there’s so much concern in her eyes that I start crying again.

**  
**

Frick, I am so pathetic.

**  
**

She runs a hand down her face. “Okay, I’ve had enough of this,” she breathes. She presses the ‘door open’ button and walks back into the waiting room. She turns around and points a finger at me. “Go downstairs and wait for me in the main lobby.”

**  
**

“What’re -” The doors start to close and all I see is her signature smirk.

**  
**

**_3:30 pm_ **

**  
**

The elevator dings and my head jerks up. I stand up and walk over to her, rubbing my sweaty hands on my jeans. “What did you just do?”

**  
**

She smiles sarcastically and throws an arm over my shoulders. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

**  
**

I pout, she laughs and my pout deepens. She lets out a dramatic sigh.

**  
**

“How about I buy you ice cream, you big baby? On me.”

**  
**

I smile brightly.

**  
**

Seriously… who turns down ice cream? I nod and we walk back outside and to her motorcycle. She hands me my helmet. I turn it in my hands. “Hey, Carmilla?”

**  
**

She looks back at me. “Yeah?”

**  
**

“Thanks for today, and I’m sorry for acting like a child. It’s just -”

**  
**

“Hey, as long as you quit rambling, don’t mention it,” she smirks. I blush and put my helmet on.

**  
**

“Sorry.”

**  
**

She laughs as we climb on the bike. “I never said it was a bad thing. I think it’s cute.”

**  
**

I blush harder.

**  
**

If that’s even possible.

**  
**

**_One week later…_ **

**  
**

Not that I’m complaining or anything… but, Carmilla hasn’t left my house for a week. I mean… she brought a friggin’ suitcase over, and never even told me why. She seems kind of anxious, but I really have no idea why. “Is your phone on full volume?” She picks it up and hits the volume button. I yank it back out of her hands and cover it protectively.

**  
**

“Do you mind?”

**  
**

She groans. “I’m sorry, okay? I just… I’m anxious.”

**  
**

“When are you not?” Kirsch adds.

**  
**

Ha, point proven.

**  
**

“Anxious about what exactly?”

**  
**

She bites her lower lip. “Whether you’re going to get that job or not.”

**  
**

I sigh. “Carm… I thought I told you she pretty much guaranteed me that I wasn’t going to get the job.”

**  
**

Kirsch turns around in his chair. “Yeah man… I mean, no offence little nerd, but you didn’t stand a chance.”

**  
**

I glare at him and he smiles sheepishly. “Uh… I think I’m going to go join your wonderful Father in watching the amazing game of football, so if you’ll excuse me…” He gets up and makes a run for my door, and, like the rude girl that I am… I stick my foot out.

**  
**

“...hey, you got your carpet redone,” he mumbles, pushing himself up on his hands. “It’s a lot less scratchy than your old one.”

**  
**

I smile sarcastically. “Glad you noticed.”

**  
**

He shrugs and walks out of my room. And for a second I hear footsteps and then heavy tumbling. Carmilla and I snicker.

**  
**

_“I’m okay!”_

**  
**

“No one cares!” I yell back.

**  
**

_“Rude!”_

**  
**

A few minutes go by and nothing is said.

**  
**

**_Ring Ring_ **

**_  
_ **

**_Ring Ring_ **

**  
**

Carmilla perks up. “Answer it!” And then she jumps off my bed and runs to my desk to pick up my camcorder.

**  
**

I frown at her before sliding the answer icon and putting the phone up to my ear. “Um… hello? Who is this?”

**  
**

_“Laura! It’s Rebecca McDaniels. I interviewed you for the internship?”_

**  
**

I swallow. “Yes…”

**  
**

She laughs lightheartedly. _“Just calling to say that you got the job! Do you think you could start sometime in early August?”_

_**  
** _

Oh. My. God.

**  
**

_Oh my god!_

**  
**

_Holy shit this is a joke right?_

**  
**

Some kind of sick joke?

**  
**

Rebecca McDaniels just said -

**  
**

_“Laura? Hello?”_

**  
**

Carmilla kicks me in the leg and I clear my throat. “Uh… e-early August? That should… that should be fine actually.”

**  
**

I look at Carmilla and she’s smiling. She’s trying to hide it behind my camcorder, but she’s totally smiling.

**  
**

_“Great! You’ll need to come in this summer though a few times just to get the hang of it, attend some of my boring meetings with me, stuff like that. Can I email you the dates?”_

_**  
** _

I gulp. “...o-of course!”

**  
**

_“Okay then! I should have the emails sent to you before the end of this week. And Laura?”_

**  
**

“...yeah?”

**  
**

_“Your girlfriend is one hell of a girl. Tell Carmilla I say hello for me, will you?”_

**  
**

“Oh! She… she’s not my… we’re not -”

_**  
** _

_“Oh please, honey. She tried that on me too. Literally anyone can see it.”_ She laughs. _“Have a nice day, alright?”_

**  
**

“I definitely will now,” I say. “Thank you very much, Mrs. McDaniels.”

**  
**

_“Don’t mention it sweetheart, I’m just glad I realized I should give you a chance. See you soon!”_

**  
**

And then the line goes dead. Carmilla flips my camcorder closed. “Well?!”

**  
**

I drop my phone and stare blankly at her. “She uh… she says hello.”

**  
**

Her face flushes. “So… you uh... got the job?”

**  
**

A grin slowly spreads across my face. “You talked to her, didn’t you?”

**  
**

She rubs the back of her neck. “Um… no?”

**  
**

My grin gets wider, if that’s even possible at this point. “You totally talked to her.”

**  
**

She gives me a sheepish look. “Did she tell you that? Because… I told her that it wasn’t a big deal at -”

**  
**

I tackle her into a hug and we fall off my bed. But I don’t care. My arms are around her neck and I’m burying my face into her shoulder. Also, I’m not complaining because her new perfume is amazing. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

**  
**

She lets out a laugh and wraps her arms around my back. “Don’t thank me, thank yourself. Your application was flawless.”

**  
**

I sit back on her hips. “You’re literally the best.”

**  
**

She blushes. “Um, you know -”

**  
**

The door bursts open and my Dad and Kirsch are standing there with concerned looks on their faces. “What just happened?”

**  
**

I jump up and pull Carm up with me. “I got the job!”

**  
**

My Dad and Kirsch look at each other. “What?!”

**  
**

“Yeah! I got the job! All thanks to this little hero right here…” I say proudly, pointing to my best friend.

**  
**

Kirsch shares a look with Carmilla and nods his head with a small smile.

**  
**

And then something that I thought I’d never see again happens.

**  
**

My Dad crushes Carmilla in a hug.

**  
**

...yeah, life is pretty good.

**  
**

**_One month later…_ **

**  
**

**_10:51 pm_ **

**  
**

I had a really good birthday. Danny, Perry, LaF, Will, Kirsch, Carmilla, Mama Kirsch, Mrs. Karnstein, John, Jamie and my Dad all celebrated at my house. And I’m not gonna lie, I’m glad that I didn’t do anything illegal for one night. Having my friends and family over for a bonfire and then an ‘adults vs. barely adults’ water gun fight?

**  
**

That sure as hell beats cookie flavored alcohol.

**  
**

Speaking of cookies, Perry made a cookie pizza instead of making a cake. Which, okay… is a lie because she made two cookie pizzas. One for me and one for everyone else.

**  
**

I ate almost all of it.

**  
**

Plus, watching Kirsch get pinned in the ass whilst playing pin the tail on the donkey?

**  
**

Freaking priceless.

**  
**

I mean… this was probably the best birthday by far. We played tag team Mario Kart, hide and go seek, Cops and Robbers, had an arm wrestling match, played stupid board games, told hilarious stories, which… most of my squad’s couldn’t be told because most of them were illegal, but whatever. And, most recently, we all sat in the backyard listening to Carmilla talk about all the constellations.

**  
**

And even that’s not the best part.

**  
**

She named a star after me. Like… officially. She has the papers and everything.

**  
**

It’s tiny from the Earth, and you can barely see it with the human eye, but it made me cry. She didn’t even name it after a pastry.

**  
**

Just Laura.

**  
**

_Just Laura._

_**  
** _

I’m laying in my bed, the lights off, staring at my universe covered ceiling. All courtesy of Carmilla Karnstein.

**  
**

I smile.

**  
**

Because she’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. I mean, over the course of the last month, Carmilla has beaten up a guy who tried to hit on me outside of a club, got me my freaking dream job, brought me coffee almost every morning, came over when I had a nightmare about my Mom, started teaching me how to play guitar, became nicer to the rest of my friends because I asked, came to all of my training days with Mrs. McDaniels and named a freaking star after me.

**  
**

And Danny and LaF’s words from all those weeks ago won’t quit running through my head.

**  
**

_LaF puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a small smile. “It’s all in the little things, Laura.”_

_**  
** _

_Danny punches my arm lightly. “It’s true. You’ll know… I mean, I know it sounds weird, but you’ll know when to give her another chance.”_

**  
**

I smile. And, I know everyone just left an hour ago but… I kind of wish...

**  
**

**_Knock Knock_ **

**  
**

I frown, because for once… the knocking doesn’t come from my window. “Yeah?” I call towards my door.

**  
**

“Can I come in?” my Dad asks.

**  
**

“Duh,” I laugh. He opens the door and smirks at me. “You have a visitor.”

**  
**

He closes the door with a smile and I frown again. Who could possibly...

**  
**

**_Knock Knock_ **

**  
**

I smile. It’s the pebble-hitting-the-ground knocks.

**  
**

It’s Carmilla. “Come in, you big astronomical loser.”

**  
**

She laughs and opens the door holding…

**  
**

Her guitar?

**  
**

“...hey.”

**  
**

She clears her throat. “Um… hey.”

**  
**

“What’s with the....?” I gesture to her guitar.

**  
**

She shrugs.

**  
**

Well, she shrugs as best she can with that strap caressing her shoulder.

**  
**

“I  uh... I wrote a song for you.”

**  
**

My stomach flutters. “Really?”

**  
**

She nods slowly. “Um… yeah…”

**  
**

I smile and sit criss cross applesauce. “I’m ready when you are.” I lean forward and pat the spot in front of me. She smiles and gets on my bed, positioning her guitar in her lap.

**  
**

She gives me a timid smile. “Ready?”

**  
**

I nod enthusiastically. “Of course.”

**  
**

She takes a deep breath and starts strumming the intro.

**  
**

_You’re better than the best_

_**  
** _

_I’m lucky just to linger in your light_

_**  
** _

_Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that’s right._

_**  
** _

_Completely unaware, yet nothing can compare_

_**  
** _

_To where you send me lets me know that it’s okay,_

_**  
** _

_Yeah it’s okay and the moments where my good times start to fade…_

_**  
** _

My heart is pounding in my chest and… I can’t wipe the little smile off my face.

**  
**

_You make me smile like the sun_

_**  
** _

_Fall out of bed, sing like a bird_

_**  
** _

_Dizzy in my head_

_**  
** _

_Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night_

_**  
** _

_You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe_

_**  
** _

_Shine like gold, buzz like a bee_

**  
**

_Just the thought of you can drive me wild_

_**  
** _

_Oh, you make me smile._

_**  
** _

She glances up and gives me a little smile and I smile full heartedly back at her.

**  
**

_Don’t know how I’d live without you_

_**  
** _

_‘Cause everytime that I get around you_

_**  
** _

_I see the best of me inside your eyes_

_**  
** _

_Yeah, you make me smile_

_**  
** _

She stops abruptly, smiles and then starts strumming again. 

**  
**

_You make me dance like a fool_

_**  
** _

_Forget how to breathe_

_**  
** _

_Shine like gold, and buzz like a bee_

_**  
** _

_Just the thought of you can drive me wild_

_**  
** _

_Yeah, you make me smile_

**  
**

She strums the last chord and raises the strap over her head and lays her guitar against the bottom of my bed. “Oh, shit… you’re crying…”

**  
**

_Damn right I’m crying._

**  
**

She takes a deep breath and puts her hands in her lap. “I’m pretty stupid sometimes, you know that. But I made the biggest mistake of my life when I hurt you, and I can’t even tell you how sorry I am. And I know, _I know_ that you need time, and I don’t even know if you even like me anymore, but I’m glad that we’re best friends, and that’s all I could ask for. I just need you to know that I’m in love with you, Laura. Pretty sure I always have been, and damn sure that I will be for the rest of my life. I just… wanted to tell you in a song because sometimes I’m not very good with words, but… yeah.”

**  
**

I give her a watery laugh and wipe my eyes. “You really are the biggest sap on this entire planet, Carmilla Karnstein.”

**  
**

She shrugs, a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I’ve been told.”

**  
**

I take a deep and reach my hands out to take hold of hers. “Listen, Carmilla… what you did hurt me, but I’m so in love with you that it kills me. And… I’m willing to give you another chance, but we have to take things slow. Like… not _super_ slow, but slow, okay?”

**  
**

She looks down at our hands and plays with my fingers. “What if I’m not good enough for you?”

**  
**

I laugh, because _seriously?_

**  
**

I take one of my hands and use my pointer finger to bring her face back up to level with mine.

**  
**

“Carmilla…” I chuckle. “You will always be good enough for me, no matter what.”

**  
**

“...thank you.” She gives me a small smile. “So then… can I take you on a date this Friday?”

**  
**

I nod, my smile widening. “I think I’d like that.”

**  
**

And when I lean in to kiss her, I don’t expect to feel her warm lips press against my forehead.

**  
**

My eyes flutter open and she’s smiling at me, running her thumb over my cheek. “So… there’s been something that I’ve been meaning to ask.”

**  
**

“Yeah?”

**  
**

She brings her hand down. “...do you have any cookie cake left?”

**  
**

I laugh and shove her off my bed, and she looks up at me and smiles.

**  
**

My heart flutters fast in my chest and everything feels alright again.

**  
**

_“Sometimes you have to save tonight to be okay for tomorrow.”_

_**  
** _

**_Three weeks later…_ **

**  
**

So… I start my new job today. And, it wouldn’t be that big a deal if all my friends, Mama Kirsch, Mrs. Karnstein, Jamie, John and my Dad weren’t all arguing over who was going to be in the car with me on the way to the office.

**  
**

“Okay, no. I’m riding with her!” Will.

**  
**

“No, no, no, little brother, I’m riding with her! Besides, why would she want to ride with a less hot version of me?” Carmilla.

**  
**

“Excuse me… but I give her free coffee.” John.

**  
**

“I _make_ the coffee!” Jamie.

**  
**

“Okay, excuse all of you but I’m her best guy friend?” Kirsch.

**  
**

“Oh, hell no. The last time we were in a car together you _farted_ and almost _killed us_!” Gotta love Mama Kirsch.

**  
**

“Let me ride with her, then.” Perry.

**  
**

“Nice try, Betty Crocker, you’d probably stop to buy some baking supplies.” Danny. “If anyone should ride with her, it should be me, I mean… I’m taller than all of you.”

**  
**

“Not me!” Kirsch yells.

**  
**

“Well you’re ugly so, ha!”

**  
**

“I’m riding with her, I’m her Father for crying out loud!”

**  
**

Everyone groans. “Hell no! I am _not_ listening to you singing _Drunk in Love_ off key, ever again!” Mrs. Karnstein.

**  
**

“Catherine, must I remind you of _that day_ when all of us went out to eat and you ordered the seafood when we specifically told you not to and we ended up at some creepy gas station at midnight so you wouldn’t shit your pants?!”

**  
**

Geez, Dad…

**  
**

“Excuse the lot of you, but I’m gonna be a bio major, so…” LaF, of course.

**  
**

“And I’m gonna show you right where you can _shove_ your dipl -”

**  
**

_“GUYS!”_

**  
**

Everyone looks at me and I flip some hair out of my face. “For Christ sake, I’m going to be late,” I grumble. “There are three cars and twelve of us! Now, I can handle basic math, but I am _not_ going to be your babysitter _and_ your freaking kindergarten teacher!”

**  
**

Everyone’s staring at me and I’m breathing pretty hard, but I’m smirking internally because

**  
**

_Tiny ball of rage... unlocked._

**  
**

“Uh… s-so… who wants to go with me?” Mama Kirsch asks.

**  
**

Everyone raises their hand and I roll my eyes. “Kirsch, Carmilla, Will, my Dad and I are taking my Dad’s car. Mrs. Karnstein, Perry and LaF go with John. Jamie and Danny go with Mama Kirsch. Freaking simple, correct?!”

**  
**

We’re on the road in less than three minutes.

**  
**

No matter how mad at get at them for fighting like wild freaking animals, I’ll always appreciate the fact that they all got up at seven in the morning, came to my house and wanted to escort me to my new job.

**  
**

I don’t have friends.

**  
**

I have _family._

**  
**

**_5:01 pm_ **

**  
**

“Hey Laura?”

**  
**

I turn back around. “Yeah?”

**  
**

“Nice job today,” she smiles and I smile back at her before exiting her office. I make my way into the lobby, the elevator, the main lobby and then outside… where Carmilla is waiting for me.

**  
**

“Oh… hey.”

**  
**

She smiles, walks over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Hey, cutie.”

**  
**

I smile. “You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

**  
**

“Eh.” She shrugs. “So… there’s a party being set up at your house right now… but uh… you’re not aloud to go home yet so…”

**  
**

I groan. “Don’t say it…”

**  
**

She laughs. “Spontaneous date time!”  

**  
**

I make a face. Somewhere between a smile and a frown. “Carm….”

**  
**

She makes a face right back at me. Somewhere between a smirk and a frown. _“Cupcake.”_

**  
**

_“Fine,”_ I whine. “Just… nothing that I’ll have to buy new clothes for this time.”

**  
**

She nudges me. “Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy me freely checking you out.”

**  
**

I shrug, because I totally didn’t have a problem with it. She slips her hand into mine and drags me towards her motorcycle. She hands me my helmet, picks hers up and we put them on.

**  
**

She starts her motorcycle and I tighten my arms around her waist. “Where are we even going?”

**  
**

She laughs and revs the engine. “I have no freaking idea.”

**  
**

**_5:11 pm_ **

**  
**

We walk into a gourmet cupcake shop and I roll my eyes. “Really?”

**  
**

She smiles and looks at the floor. “What? Cupcakes for my cupcake…” She shrugs. “I think it’s cute.”

**  
**

I smile too because Carmilla is being such a gentlewoman. I mean, we’ve been dating for three weeks, and in those three weeks we’ve gone on dates eleven times and she hasn’t kissed me once. I wanted things to go slow, but I didn’t think that she would take things _this_ slow. But… I’m not complaining, I think it’s the cutest thing in the world. “Hello, welcome to Scratch Cupcakery, how may I help you today?”

**  
**

Carm nudges me. “You order first.”

**  
**

“Um… okay. Can I have the maple bacon cupcake please?”

**  
**

“Sure,” she says, typing a few numbers into the register. “And for you, Carmilla?”

**  
**

“Confetti cupcake. Extra sprinkles. You know what’s up,” she says, flashing the oddly familiar girl a smirk.

**  
**

The girl laughs and hits enter on the register. “Your total is $4.60, and I’m guessing you’re going to pay cash since you still don’t have a job,” she says incredulously. “And we all know that no job means no card.”

**  
**

Carmilla rolls her eyes and digs in her back pocket to pull out her wallet. “Woah, wait… you paid last time.”

**  
**

She gives me a look. “...and now I’m paying again.”

**  
**

I frown and pull my wallet out. “No, I want to pay.”

**  
**

She hands a five dollar bill to the girl and raises an eyebrow at me. I raise one right back at her and hand the girl seven dollars.

**  
**

“Keep the change,” I say.

**  
**

Carmilla squints her eyes at me and pulls out three more dollars. “Here, keep _this_ change.”

**  
**

I scrunch up my face. “Are you serious?”

**  
**

“Yeah, I really want to pay for you.”

**  
**

“And I really want to pay for _you_.”

**  
**

She sighs. “Look cupcake I -”

**  
**

“You guys realize I don’t need any of your money, right?” She hands our money back to us and I frown. She laughs. “Malorie Johnson,” she says, holding out her hand to me.

**  
**

Wait… Johnson?

**  
**

_Oh yeah._

**  
**

“You’re Michelle Johnson’s daughter, the one that works with Carm’s Mom.”

**  
**

She raises an eyebrow incredulously at Carmilla. “I thought you hated it when people called you ‘Carm’.”

**  
**

“Whatever,” she mumbles. I take Malorie’s hand and shake it.

**  
**

“I’m Laura Hollis, Carmilla’s best friend.”

**  
**

She laughs. “Oh, trust me. I know. All Carmilla does is talk about you. Its kind of funny really ‘cause -”

**  
**

_“Okay!”_ Carm interrupts, grabbing the cupcakes off the counter. “Thanks, Malorie… I guess.”

**  
**

She chuckles and waves sarcastically. “You’re welcome!”

**  
**

We walk over to a table and sit down across from each other. I look up at Carmilla and smile. “I think Malorie’s pretty nice. How come I’ve never met her?”

**  
**

Carmilla swipes some frosting off the top of her cupcake and licks it off her finger. “Oh, you have. You were just drunk as hell.” She laughs. “You told her you wanted to suck my dick.”

**  
**

I groan. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

**  
**

She shakes her head. “Although… if that’s what you wanted to see in my pants, then I’m afraid you’re going to be very disappointed.”

**  
**

I take a bite of my cupcake and almost choke on it.

**  
**

**_5:30 pm_ **

**  
**

Okay… I know I complain about these “spontaneous date” things, but in all honestly I think it’s the most adorable thing Carmilla has ever come up with. I mean, I don’t think she planned to come up with this or anything, it just kind of happened. Like I mentioned before Carmilla and I have been taking things pretty slow, and typically when you date someone you don’t see them everyday, so I’ve only been hanging out with Carm on our dates.

**  
**

_Anyways_ , my point is that between one of our dates we ran into each other at the bookstore across the street from where I work and we went on a “spontaneous date”.

**  
**

I guess great minds think alike when it comes to choosing where to go during our “off-date” days, because we’ve had four spontaneous dates.

**  
**

And speaking of a book store… guess where we are right now?

**  
**

Yep. Barnes and Noble.   

**  
**

_“Laura! Jesus… oh my god. Laura come here!”_

**  
**

I close my eyes and bite my lip. Sometimes…

**  
**

_“Laura hurry!”_

**  
**

She’ basically screaming at this point, so I slide the book that I had in my hand back on the shelf and follow the noise. “Carm?!”

**  
**

_“Fiction section! No… give it **back** , asshole!”_

**  
**

What the…?

**  
**

I round the corner and gasp. It’s Carmilla… wrestling with a little kid over a pair of books. “Hey! Stop fighting with that little kid!”

**  
**

She’s still wrestling with him and...

**  
**

_Wait._

_**  
** _

_Is that the 5th Wave book collection?_

**  
**

I shake my head and walk over to them, prying their hands apart. The boy ends up with the collection. I turn and glare at Carmilla. “That’s not fair! I had them first and I was gonna buy them for you since it’s your favorite series -”

**  
**

I lean forward and kiss her cheek. “Carmilla…”

**  
**

She blinks. “What?”

**  
**

I  and turn to the kid. He’s gotta be like... eleven. “I’m… sorry about her.” I clear my throat and motion to the two books he has in his hands. “You like _The 5th Wave_ , too huh?”

**  
**

He nods and looks down at the books in his hand. “Yeah… Teacup’s my favorite, and so is Ringer.”

**  
**

I smile brightly at him. “They’re my favorites too! And… let’s just say I may or may not think that Ringer’s kind of hot.”

**  
**

He smiles. “Yeah, she sounds pretty.”

**  
**

I tap the books in his hand. “You have fun with these, kiddo, okay? I heard _The Infinite Sea_ is almost as good as the first one.”

**  
**

He smiles, but shakes his head and shoves the books into my hand. “Nah, you can keep them. Besides… your girlfriend kind of scares me.”

**  
**

“Oh! She’s not… I mean, she _kind_ _of_ is…”

**  
**

“Wait, are you Laura?”

**  
**

I give him a weird look. “How did you…?”

**  
**

He awkwardly switches his weight between his feet, looking at the floor. “Um… I live at the youth center where Wilson teaches every weekend. He talks about you and…” he gestures towards Carmilla. “... Carmilla, I’m guessing? All the time. He has pictures of you guys and a bunch of gingers in his work space.”

**  
**

I clutch at my chest.

**  
**

_My heart._

**  
**

I look up at Carmilla and even she looks like she feels bad for the little guy. “What’s your name, kiddo?” she asks.

**  
**

“Jack. But, you can call me Jay, if you want.”

**  
**

I smile softly. “Okay, Jay. How’d you get here?”

**  
**

He points to a guy leaning against a bookshelf staring at a book. “That’s my “big brother”, I guess.” He shrugs. “Usually Wilson and his boyfriend are. I mean, when Will comes. But… yeah.”

**  
**

I look up at Carm with a pout. She smiles and nods. “How would you like two big sisters?”

**  
**

His face lights up and so does my heart.

_  
_

**_6:12 pm_ **

**  
**

Once we got done talking to the people at the youth center and signing some papers, we walk outside and I crush Carmilla in a hug. “Thank you.”

**  
**

She squeezes me right back. “You’re welcome.”

**  
**

Jay pulls on my shirt. “Uh… if Carmilla has a motorcycle… how are we supposed to get to your house?”

**  
**

I pull back and smile at him. “It’s called a bus!”

**  
**

They both groan.

**_  
_ **

**_6:41 pm_ **

**  
**

The three of us finally get back to my house, after walking half a mile from the bus stop. We get to the door and I use my key to open it.

**  
**

I smile at the sight before me. It’s Danny, Perry, Will, LaF, my Dad, Kirsch, Mama Kirsch, Mrs. Karnstein, John and Jamie.

**  
**

Kirsch makes a face. “Jay? What’re you doing here?”

**  
**

He waves. “I have two big sisters now.”

**  
**

Kirsch looks at us and he smiles so brightly that I’m pretty sure Carmilla turns away because it’s gonna make her sick. He runs over and crushes the three of us in a hug. “You guys are the best.”

**  
**

He lets us go and Carm and I look at each other, smiles on our faces. “We know.”

**  
**

**_7:54 pm_ **

**  
**

“No, no… get this… Danny literally jumped off her roof to prove to Kirsch that she was tougher than him.”

**  
**

My Dad laughs and pats Danny on the shoulder. “How’d that work out for ya?”

**  
**

She glares at Kirsch. “Not as well as I thought.”

**  
**

**_8:03 pm_ **

**  
**

Mrs. Karnstein laughs and takes a drink of her wine. “Okay, one time at the office, we were having a casual lunch meeting, and I brought Will and Carmilla with me.” She laughs again. “And… I didn’t think anything would happen, because I _warned_ them that if anything would happen, they’d be grounded forever, but… guess what they did.”

**  
**

LaF raises their hand. “They ruined your meeting by conducting non-consensual blood tests?”

**  
**

Everything goes quiet and Perry puts a hand on their shoulder. “Uh… no, sweetie… that’s only you.”

**  
**

“ _Anyway..._ they thought that it would be funny to switch some slides in my… well, most hated colleague’s slide show to pictures of…” She looks at Will who is barely containing his laughter.

**  
**

“...bleached assholes.”

**  
**

**_8:23 pm_ **

**_  
_ **

Everyone except me, my Dad, Carmilla and Jay have left. He has to be back at the center before nine, so we figured we should clear things out a little early. Carm and I left Jay and my Dad to talk about football, while we’re currently standing on the porch. Her hands laced in mine.

**  
**

“Hey, Carm?” I ask.

**  
**

She looks up. “What’s up?”

**  
**

I bite my lip. “How come you haven’t kissed me yet?”

**  
**

She laughs heartily and squeezes my hands. “Because you said you wanted to take things slow, so that’s what I’m doing.”

**  
**

My heart melts a little. I smile and stand on my tippy toes and press my lips to hers. I pull back and she opens her eyes slowly.

**  
**

“What was that for?”

**  
**

I shrug. “For you being a gentlewoman.”

**  
**

She smiles. “You think so, really?”

**  
**

I chuckle.”I know so.”

**  
**

I lean up to kiss her again and press her up against the front door a little. I pull back, only to cock my head further to the right to deepen the kiss.

**  
**

**_Flash Flash_ **

**  
**

We pull back and look up at the porch light. It’s flickering.

**  
**

I groan. _“Dad!”_

**  
**

The front door swings open and Jay and my Dad high five. “What’s up sweetie?”

**  
**

I whine and bury my face in Carmilla’s shoulder.

**  
**

_Sometimes I swear..._

_**  
** _

_**8:41 pm** _

**  
**

“Bye!” we all call from my Dad’s car.

**  
**

Jay turns around and waves at us, his smile blinding. “Bye you guys! Thank you for tonight!”

**  
**

And then he runs ahead of the counselor and into the building.

**  
**

And on the drive back to my house, Carm, my Dad and I sing along to Drunk in Love by Beyonce and I keep thinking that after all that happens, I know there’s going to be days that suck. There’s going to be days where you aren’t going to be okay, there’ll be days where you just want to quit.

**  
**

But you can’t.

**  
**

You have to take moments like these, the ones you love most. The ones that make you groan, embarrassed, laugh until you cry… it doesn’t matter. If I’ve learned anything the past ten months, it’s that you have to keep these nights, these memories, because tomorrow might be horrible.

**  
**

Because these are the moments that count, and as long as you remember that, you should be okay for whatever tomorrow brings.

**  
  
  
  
  
  
**

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i didn't mean for it to be this long, it just kind of happened. Sorry friends :p


End file.
